the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize