Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
