Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
