so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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