Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
