He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
