Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
