chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
