I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
