We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
