whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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