just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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