Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
