My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
