so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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