to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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