i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
