Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize