I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
