Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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