So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you made out with another girl for some wings
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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