Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
