I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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