My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
