i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
