At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
