I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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