I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We are all done wearing pants today
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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