Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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