Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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