so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize