So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
