No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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