puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
