I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
