woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
