girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
