I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
