it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
