I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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