Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
