you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize