Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
