Sry I called you an 8
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
