I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
