I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
