I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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