Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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