found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
