In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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