I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I am mentally ready for anal.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
