Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
