i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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