i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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