Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
