I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
