I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
