you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
