you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
