I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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