Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
