i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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