Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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