We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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